Daily Archives: August 30, 2009

Random Thoughts

Although I agree with virtually all of these thoughts, they are not my own creation. I snagged this off of my sister’s Facebook page.

Random thoughts from people our age…

1) I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

2) More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. (this has NEVER happened to me, ever… swear)

4) I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

5) Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

6) Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

7) There is a great need for sarcasm font.

8) Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

9) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

10) I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

11) The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text or finish my makeup…

12) A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

13) Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”. (OR “watever, stop Iming me”)

14) Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. (unless its the letter C)

15) Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

16) How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said? (or didnt understand…)

17) I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! (hahaha… except im usually that dick…)

18) What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

19) While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

20) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

21) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died, who they had an affair with, what their arrest record was, and if they included the person’s facebook profile.

22) Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

23) Bad decisions make good stories

24) Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

25) If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

26) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

27) There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

28) I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my document that I swear I did not make any changes to.

29) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

30) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

31) When I meet a new dude, I’m terrified of mentioning something he hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

32) I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

33) Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

34) I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

35) Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

36) -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that? (Em- this one’s for you!)

37) I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

38) The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.