1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
2. At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
5. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
6. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
7. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, in Stall # 3.”
8. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy.”
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write ‘for diamond smuggling’.
10. Dont use any punctuation
11. Use, too…much; punctuation!
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Specify that your drive-through order is ‘to go’.
14. Sing along at the opera.
15. Call the psychic hotline and don’t say anything.
16. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
17. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, “Rock Hard.”
18. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!”, “I Won!” “3rd time this week!!!”
19. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
20. Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
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